Letters to my family/Reflection

To my sweet Aubrie Reign,

If you are reading this then that means you have turned 18 years old and now moving on to becoming an adult! Where did the time go? It seems like it was just yesterday when your daddy and I moved into our first apartment together and 2 months later found out that we were having a baby, but not just any baby a beautiful baby girl who would grow up to be smart, funny, caring and ours. I hope one day when you have a little boy or girl, that you are blessed with patience because sweetie you are going to need it! You ran wild when you were little, I could hardly keep up with you, you were so active and very independent, you always needed to be a part of everything. Consistency with your baby is also going to be key, I am so sorry Aubrie, but in case you haven’t noticed by now you were born into a family full of hard headed people who may need to be told something 2 or 3 times, but it will stick after a while, that is where your patience will come in. Also, please please please always remember to show your child unconditional love, kids need to know and feel loved, love between parents and their children are unbreakable no matter how far a part or how angry we get at each other. I believe my commitment to our family, my open communication and also accepting responsibility has made me a successful parent. Without my strengths I probably would not have been able to be the best parent I could have been. One thing I hope you always remember is everyone is beautiful on the inside and out, always love yourself for who you are and how you were made. Always be compassionate when it comes to others. There are a lot of people who are quick to judge people on appearance only, but baby girl someone could be wearing a trash bag because that’s what they found on the street to wear and be the smartest person in the world. Strong work ethic is a must have when you are doing something, anything, especially when you’re trying to find a job more so a career, there will always be someone with some kind of degree (if you don’t have one, but you better!), who might be just a little smarter than you, these people might have these things but if you have a strong work ethic you will go so much farther than them. Do not ever let someone dictate what you can and cannot do, always keep your independence, when you find that special someone you need to work as partners and if it does not work out between the two of you, then you need to be prepared to handle things on your own . I hope you find someone that makes you happy and treats you like the queen that you will be, I cannot wait to watch you graduate from college, get married and have kids of your own someday. I can only hope and wish for the best for you my sweet Aubrie, I promise I will be there with you every step of the way. And when life gets you down just breathe you have to take care of yourself first and foremost, because not everyone will be on your team, keep yourself happy and stick to what you believe in and do not ever give up on your dreams. I love you and Happy Birthday!

Love Always,

Mom.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Growing up I always thought I had a hard life, the arguments and the violence, I shouldn’t have seen that at such a young age, it has now impacted my life and my relationship. I for some reason believe that it is okay to argue all the time, that it is what normal couples do, but not every day. I am learning though becoming more aware of what is going on, picking and choosing battles with Doug, I do forgive both of you and have moved on from what happened when I was a kid. You both have taught to be a hard worker and never give up but ask for help when I need too and I appreciate that very much! I have been at my current job for almost 4 years and back in school and trying to work hard at it, sometimes it does get to me but I do ask for help. Going to school, working and taking care of a toddler while keeping my home clean is really hard! But I believe y’all have taught me enough to where I can make it all happen. Dad, I love how you do everything just because you can, it amazes me to see how self-motivated you are now, I was never able to see that while you and mom were together but I see it now. Also how self-confident you are, you never cease to amaze me when any song comes on no matter how weird or crazy you look you will always dance, which by the way you still have the same dance moves you had when I was a kid but you’re just being yourself and I admire that you do not care what people think of you while you’re having fun. Mom, you have changed so much since you and dad got divorced, you went from depending strictly on him to now doing everything by yourself and running the registration department at your job. The fact that worked hard to get that position with a high school diploma and experience is absolutely amazing and proves to me that someone can get a great job without a college degree. One thing I wish I could have changed was all the anger and sensitivity you both put out because that is one thing I now struggle with as well. I get angry very fast at something so small and cry or get my feelings hurt kind of easily when it comes to my relationship. I truly believe you both really influenced my intellectual development, as well as, my personality development. I am very smart and think for myself, I do not think how other people want me to think, I have my own voice and I know how to use it. I also have a bad attitude, an “I don’t care” attitude and I can get pretty vicious when I don’t mean to be. I think going from seeing you arguing and disrespecting each other than seeing you both single and seeing other people it messed with my head a little bit so I guess I really am just one big confused individual. I do want to be nice and not have an attitude the majority of the time but I feel like it has been instilled inside of me and it is hard to break free of that feeling. Out of everything I have said I know it seems like it is all bad and y’all have ruined my life but that is nowhere near how I am feeling! Together you, my parents might be horrible to and for each other but apart y’all are the best parents anyone could have and I never would change anything about y’all now, because of my struggle growing up I now help and listen, really listen, to Aubrie and Doug and anyone else around me, whether they’re coworkers or classmates I do listen when they need an ear and help them when they need it. With that I want to say thank you for teaching me to be helpful, accepting and forgiving. I love both of you with all of my heart!

Love Always your little girl,

Britt

*Reflection*
Looking back on writing these letters, i have realized how much i have wanted to change about myself in order to keep from raising my daughter the way my parents raised me. As a child i did witness a lot of things i definitely should not have, has it made me a better person? no i do not think so, but i am also still learning, growing and trying to be an amazing parent to my daughter, even though my parents were horrible together, they are amazing now that they are apart. It took me 12 years to realize that and to stop being so angry at both of them for it, because me being angry was not what they needed or wanted it just happened.